04.11.06

1:46 a.m.

proud

So, a few days ago I received my financial aid award letter. I was shocked and had to read it several times to understand it.

I was given $21,000 in scholarships and grants. Just given - I’ll never have to repay them. And, it’s just for going to school to better my chances of a career, so that I can make more money. So that I can be smart.

What do they get out of it? $8,000 of the money is solely from the school. Which is basically saying, “We’ll let you come here tuition free AND pay you $3000 extra”.

I really don’t understand; I’m making more money going to school than I ever did working.

Honestly, there are days that I’m extremely upset with myself for dropping out of high school and not going to college. My career could be well established by now, and I wouldn’t have to worry about money again. But, I know if I had gone to college straight out of high school I wouldn’t have appreciated any of it. I would’ve taken this opportunity for granted and wasted it. My GPA wouldn’t be near what it is today, and I definitely wouldn’t be offered all these scholarships and grants.

I don’t admit it often, and I’m still ashamed of my past, but I’m so happy I was a fuck up. If I hadn’t had eight years of struggling, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate all I have now.

I’m proud of myself. And, that doesn’t happen often.

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