04.12.06

2:07 a.m.

rejection, a recurring theme

I hate Tuesdays. Tuesdays are my Mondays; I dread them.

Today I was rejected as a partner in my engineering class. I could tell by the waiver in his voice when I said, “Wanna work together?” that he thought I was just a stupid girl.

My brain is the one thing I thought I had going for me. It’s the one thing that I thought people couldn’t dispute; I’m not stupid.

It felt like a kick in the stomach the way he looked at me like I was an alien. I know rejection, and he just didn’t want to come out and say it. I sensed it immediately, and then said, “You don’t have to, you know. You can work with someone else.” And he bailed so fast his chair was left spinning.

I know it shouldn’t, but it really upset me.

I found another partner, one I’d worked with before and liked. We had started the project and suddenly the professor split us up because another group had worked together on every single project this semester and he didn’t want them to do it again.

I am livid. I am stuck with the most worthless excuse for a partner ever. The first words out of his mouth were, “Do you know what’s going on? I wasn’t listening.” and “You can decide everything, you know what’s going on.”

Also, he’s unavailable all week to do this project. Oh, except for Sunday, which conveniently is Easter.

I wouldn’t be so upset if he was trying and was just stupid, but he’s not. He’s lazy and apathetic. Apathy was cool in high school, not so much in college. But, I’m a total fucking dork, so maybe it is still cool.

I’m not going to let him ruin my grade, but I’m upset that he’ll get any credit whatsoever. This project is somewhat complicated and time consuming, and I really need some help. However, I’m a pushover and I hate confrontation, so I won’t say a word.

I need a Xanax.

Sun bathing

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