06.14.04

11:10 p.m.

Jesus Loves Me

It’s common knowledge around these parts that Colorado only has two seasons...winter and construction. Today, I was stuck in a construction zone for 1 hour 13 minutes and 37 seconds (I was bored – what can I say?). It was the kind of traffic jam that aggravates me the most – the kind where you move one inch every 45 seconds. Which means you can’t put your car in park. Not that you should really put your car in park on the interstate, but it’s just easier if you do. I was stuck behind a lime green 1968 Volkswagen Bug. It had 27 bumper stickers on it(yes, I counted); at least I had good reading material. You would think owning a lime green Bug would qualify you as a liberal tree-hugging Birkenstock-wearing hippy, but apparently this guy was a right-wing religious extremist.

These were the memorable ones:

One for every republican presidential nominee in the past oh, I don’t know - 20 years

“What would Jesus do? He’d vote republican!”

“His pain, our Gain!” - Complete with a nice little drawing of Jesus on the cross.

“Experience Life at No Cost! Call 1-800-MEET-God” Which I actually got bored enough to call, but some old man answered and I lost all nerve and hung up. If someone wants to actually tell me what the guy says after “Hello” – please e-mail me.

“Annoy a Liberal - Work hard and be happy!”

“Jesus is my co-pilot”

“Proud member of the vast right-wing conspiracy”

And, my personal favorite, “Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder” – or makes me hornier, you choose.

Sorry, nothing else exciting happened today.

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