06.04.04

12:10 a.m.

Sex & Oragel

I’ve been bored tonight. I decided to refresh my memory on HTML and what exactly I put in this diary. My handy little site meter led me to hours of fun – ok, realistically about 30 minutes. I can see what search results led people my way; I thought I’d share this little bit of entertainment with you.

“Sexy hermaphrodite” or variants:

People must be insanely curious about them. More than half of the searches included hermaphrodite. The other 50% included sex references. This one encompasses both queries. Either there isn’t a lot of published information on hermaphrodite sex, or I’m the leading expert.

“Seatbelt boobs”:

I can tell you...they aren’t pleasant.

“Dog sex”:

Eww. I don’t even want to be associated with this phrase. Is there a way to exclude myself from these searches?

“American sex life”:

Since when did I become so – apple pie?

“Sleeping passed out sex”:

I’m beginning to see a pattern here.

“Menthol cigarettes are gay”:

Sure...why not?

“Oscar Meyer Bologna Song”:

It’s number 2 on Google. Probably, because my dumb ass spelled it wrong. I went to the page, and I find it amusing that in the same entry I misspelled Oscar Mayer, I talk about J complimenting my intelligence. I had the urge to change it, but resisted due to the irony of the whole entry.

“I ruined my life”:

Yes...yes I did. Must you keep reminding me?

“Dirty dishrag”:

As in dirty, or dirty?

Anyhow, these engrossed me for awhile. The sex references seem to fit my mood lately. I think I’ve proposed to at least 7 people this week. Four accepted. The others – well, screw them. I try to unleash my domestic side and what do I get? Nothing. All I was really looking for was guilt-free marital sex. Ooh...maybe that will be my next Google hit.

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