08.24.09
11:19 p.m.
I feel deflated.
So...yeah. I feel weird today.I don't know why, but my crush just kinda...dissipated into thin air.
Perhaps it's because I've been trying to rationalize having a relationship with someone 7 years younger than me and I can't seem to make it work in my head. Or no matter how hard I try I can't see myself actually interacting with other people as part of a couple. What in the hell will I have in common with his friends and what will he have in common with mine?!
I'm a very wishy-washy person when it comes to boys, as I'm sure you all know. I fall in love instantly and then it's magically gone as quickly as it appeared. I still absolutely adore this boy, don't get me wrong. I think he's adorable and cute and smart and funny and witty and wholly encompasses everything I want in a boy. However, I think it just hit me that it will be next to impossible to have an actual relationship with him.
It was the first day of classes so I didn't get to see him today. And, it's probably the first time in a few weeks that I've had time to actually think about the ramifications of dating someone so significantly younger than me.
Who knows, tomorrow when I see him I may fall head over heels in love again. However, that doesn't really bode well for the relationship either, does it?
Of course, there's always the possibility that I'm pulling away from a very serious potential boyfriend because I hate being vulnerable and open to heartbreak. I've been known to make excuses and find fault with things just to have a reason to disregard them as a viable option. This is the first real prospective relationship I've had in some time. To be quite honest, while it's fun and exciting, it's also extremely frightening to me.
Regardless of what happens, there's nothing like a crush to make you feel alive. Even if it's only momentarily.
