2:04 a.m.



I'm dying. There's no sugar coating it. No nice way of putting it, no way to avoid it anymore.

My vision is blurred.
My body aches.
My throat is raw.
My teeth are rotting.
My esophagus is bleeding.
My head throbs.
My arms and legs are swollen with edema.
My face is swollen.
My heart rate is erratic.
My blood pressure is ridiculously high.
My face is constantly flushed.
My GI system is a joke.
My bones ache.
My energy is nonexistent.
My memory is failing.

I feel 80 in a 26 year old body.

I try to hide it, and I do a pretty nice job of it. I pretend I'm fine. If you deny something long enough, people begin to believe you.

‘I'm just a little worn down.’
‘It must be allergies; it's that time of year.’
‘I didn't sleep well last night.’
‘I think I have strep throat.’
‘The flu is going around at school.’
‘I ran out of vitamins, I really need to go get more.’
‘I've been up all night studying. I have an exam tomorrow.’
‘I'm fine, really.’

I just remembered that guy that offered to pray for me. I went back to find the entry, and it was exactly one year ago.

I think I need it now. Is it too late to accept it? Please?

Why can’t I stop this?

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