11:03 p.m.

Have I mentioned I adore him beyond words? Cause I do.

This year has, hands down, started out as the worst year ever. (Though, hopefully things will change since my lovely friends have pushed the reset button and I get to restart the year!)

I spent New Year's Eve with the Captain. We stayed in and watch movies the entire night - nothing exciting. I'm old and he's... too sheltered. However, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way; I adore spending time with him.

That's where the good part of the 2010 ended.

1) My apartment complex took my rent out of my bank account twice. Causing my car payment to be returned NSF, along with several other over draft fees. My account is currently negative because I'm fighting with the apartment complex about the fees.

2) The ceramic heater I've been using in my research at school blew up in my face. Fun times.

3) My experimental research is NOT matching my theoretical calculations. In fact, it's doing the exact opposite of what is expected and I can't figure out why. Awesome.

4) My financial aid has been suspended. As in: I can't pay for school and will have to drop out if my appeal is denied. I only took two classes last semester because I knew that one of them would be extremely difficult for me, mainly because I hate the subject. Well, as expected it was hard and I barely got through with a C+. Unfortunately, I received an A- in my other class, which dropped me below a 3.0 GPA for the semester (2.9!). However, I didn't realize that I needed to keep a cumulative GPA of a 3.0 or better to keep my financial aid award. (Sidenote: graduate school financial aid is apparently different.) I realize ignorance is no excuse. I was extremely disappointed with myself BEFORE I received the letter telling me I was denied financial aid this semester, now I'm pretty much depressed beyond words. I've filed an appeal and will hear back about that in approximately two weeks.

So, like I said, thus far this year has sucked. I received notice of my financial aid suspension on Saturday and spent the whole night thinking about it non-stop. I was so stressed and worried that I asked the Captain to keep me company on Sunday. He spent the ENTIRE day with me - until midnight - trying to keep my mind preoccupied. I broke down and cried uncontrollably near the end of the evening because I couldn't hold it in any longer. I hate crying in front of people, my father taught me it was a sign of weakness and I've never felt comfortable doing it in the presence of others. But, I couldn't control it any longer. The Captain was quite sweet, hugging/holding me and telling me things will be ok. I know he felt uncomfortable and I feel horrible putting people in that situation.

He stopped by the lab to check on me yesterday and I couldn't even talk to him. Once I've cried around someone I feel awkward the next time I see them, plus I knew if we discussed the situation I would bawl again. Tomorrow we're heading over to the soup kitchen to sign up as volunteers. I need something to put my problems in perspective; there are far worse positions that I could be in, and I need to be grateful for what I have.

Fingers crossed that the year will improve drastically.

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