3:07 a.m.

Happy pills

Happy Pills

I started Wellbutrin today.

I've never been on any anti-depressants before. I've always been afraid of what people would think. That I'd be 'officially' crazy.

NEWSFLASH: I am fucking crazy. I don't care what people think anymore, it's not like it's tattooed on my forehead anyway. I just want to be happy again.

Apparently you aren't supposed to take Wellbutrin if you have a history of bulimia or anorexia, but I lied and said I didn't. (Even though I told her that I was bulimic last year and she brushed it off like it wasn't even said. I don't even think it's in my chart.) It ups the risk of seizure, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

I've been on 3 rounds of prednisone and I've gained all the weight I've lost in the past few months. I'm so frustrated and angry. I know it's water weight as I feel like a water balloon ready to explode, but it's still a significant enough amount of weight to make me cry. Literally.

It was really hard to ask the doctor for the prescription and I teared up a bit. I blamed my anxiety for everything and she said that Wellbutrin really wasn't that great for people with anxiety because it's a stimulant. However, I had my heart set on it because of the weight loss aspect, and I wasn't about to let anything deter me from getting them. I'm set to try it out for 6 weeks and go back for a recheck. I took my first one today. Obviously, I don't feel any different yet.

I'm really optimistic that this will help. I know it's not going to magically make everything in my life better, but deep down I kind of think it will. Maybe just thinking that it will change everything for the better will be enough to cause a placebo effect? I hope so, I'm really sick of being so tired and sad and angry and lonely.

last entry | next entry


I'm Not Dead, I Swear


Bulletpoints - 09.01.10
Today starts week three of my jury duty. - 04.13.10
I think my eyes are permently swollen from crying. - 04.03.10
I know it's April Fool's day, but I promise you this is no joke. - 04.01.10
Tempting fate. Please don't let me regret this. - 03.29.10

Archives 2002-2004


Perfect Pandas

Add to Technorati Favorites
Personal Blogs - Blog Top Sites
Health Blogs - Blog Catalog Blog Directory