3:00 a.m.

7 hours at the hospital and all I have to show for it are these swollen tonsils

They refused to do surgery on me today.

My blood pressure was so high the anesthesiologist refused to do it. I worried so much about the surgery, and dying, and the bad, bad, bad thoughts about anesthesia that it manifested itself physically.

When I first got there it was 166/109. Seriously, dying level. They made me lie down and breathe and over the course of the stay it went down to 138/92, but that's still pretty high. They did an ECG and of course it read sinus tachycardia. Hello, I was FREAKING OUT. My resting, just lying on the bed, heart rate was 112. Even after a Xanax.

They said the meds that they would use to control the blood pressure may cause an asthma attack or stroke and it just wasn't a risk they wanted to take, so surgery was a no go.

And, to be honest, I'm relieved they wouldn't do it. I had a VERY bad feeling about this surgery. I don't care that my throat hurts and I can't breathe. I KNEW that something bad would happen if I had that surgery. I know it sounds irrational, but I have never felt, in my little heart of hearts, that I shouldn't do something MORE than I have about this surgery.

I think I need to be put on anti-depressants. Honestly, I've felt very panicky and scared for the past few months. So much so that I think it's physically effecting my body. I heard good things about Welbutrin, anyone know about that?

I still feel anxious even though it's over. My arms are bruised from all the poking they did trying to find a vein. I'm exhausted mentally and physically.

I'm just so glad the surgery didn't happen today and that today is over.

last entry | next entry


I'm Not Dead, I Swear


Bulletpoints - 09.01.10
Today starts week three of my jury duty. - 04.13.10
I think my eyes are permently swollen from crying. - 04.03.10
I know it's April Fool's day, but I promise you this is no joke. - 04.01.10
Tempting fate. Please don't let me regret this. - 03.29.10

Archives 2002-2004


Perfect Pandas

Add to Technorati Favorites
Personal Blogs - Blog Top Sites
Health Blogs - Blog Catalog Blog Directory