12:58 a.m.

different dilemma today

So, my decision on the whole fiance telling drama switches from yes to no every few hours.

Interesting fact: 99% of the girls I've spoke with say tell her. 100% of the guys I spoke with say do not tell her.

I found that interesting, and odd. I need to continue contemplating this before I decide what to do. I feel like it's a huge weight on my shoulders, and my decision will have a huge impact on other people's lives.

So anyway, I went out with Jeep boy last night. Or rather, I went over to his house and drank and got stoned.

Yes, stoned.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I haven't been stoned in fucking ages, but I can tell you this much - I have been craving it a lot lately. And I took 3 hits and was toasted.

So, here's the deal. Jeep boy is a complete and total loser. He is a pothead with no direction in life. He's 31 and is moving out of state to work on some huge ranch for the summer as the bartender. As in, what teenagers do for their summer vacations. As in Dirty Dancing.

Now, I have absolutely no desire to date this boy, as I think he's a total loser in the whole got-my-life-together department. However, he was really fun to hang out with and talk to, and he reminds me of my old friends that I miss dearly, and my teenage years. Though, I'm sure that was more the pot.

Anyway, he's cute, just not relationship material.

So, do I really need a fuck buddy? Cause he'd totally qualify as a fun one.

Though, just the word fuck buddy makes me feel like a whore.

So conflicted.

See, when I wasn't having sex, I was fine. I went years without and didn't mind it. Have sex once and now I'm a fucking whore.


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