He's gone for good.So, less than 5 hours after I wrote that last disgusting entry, my heart is broken again.
He's gone. He left for his home state this afternoon, with nothing but an hours notice. I feel angry and bitter and used and so absolutely stupid.
I liked him so much. We just clicked. I had that feeling, the one where you just know that it's right, and I was wrong. And I feel so...angry with myself. I don't really know how else to put it. I'm disappointed that I let myself get excited about him. I'm upset that I actually thought that he was something special. I'm upset that I shared him with anyone, because EVERY FUCKING TIME I tell someone I'm happy about something, or I'm excited about something, it falls apart and dies.
He's not coming back. I don't really blame him, I've only known him for a fucking week it's not like I expected him to stay for me, I just hoped that someone would contact him for a job and he'd stay.
I am so absolutely retarded.
And I'm angry at him, too. I'm angry at him for letting me get my hopes up, for letting me say things like we should go do such and such, and never correcting me and never saying, "I'm not going to be here."
I knew in the back of my head that he was leaving. I could feel it. I sensed it and I let it go because I was too stupid to realize that it was too good to be true.
I can not express how absolutely void I feel inside.