12:41 a.m.

I've given up

Mark came home tonight around 11:00pm. I wasn't going to come over, but I'm here now.

I have come to the conclusion that there will never be someone that will know everything about me and unconditionally love me and want me therefore I will just accept that fact and move on.

Mark is a nice person, and I can make it work with him. I'm getting older by the second and suddenly my body has decided to grow a biological clock.

I see Jackie and Jess with their children and though I swore I never wanted them, I think I do. I'm beginning to believe the reason people have children is to have that person that will unconditionally love you and want you and need you and accept you - always. I don't think that kind of love exists in any other form.

I honestly don't know what I want. Or, I do but it just isn't possible to have anymore. It's just a disappointing realization, and I don't want to face it.

Tonight I almost ran away from this town. I packed my car and just drove. I was going to leave everyone and everything I knew and disappear. Five hours later I had been to the Kansas border and back.

I don't even have the guts to run away.

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