12.04.06
8:17 p.m.
I'm ok
Five things I�m very grateful for:Having someone who shares my deepest darkest secrets and still loves and accepts me
Having a car to sleep in
Having enough money to survive
Extended school library and gym hours
Wal-mart parking lots and 24 hour security trucks
I haven�t written because I really don�t know what to say. I�ve been living in my car since my mother kicked me out last week.
She changed the locks.
I�m ok, and to be honest, I think I�m better than ok. I�m sure it�s a mix of everything that�s happened lately, but that happy person I wanted to be � the one I was so afraid would disappear � I think I still am that person. I think that my perspective on life and how I see and treat others has forever been changed. I can honestly say that I truly care about other people, and I feel compassion and empathy where there wasn�t before. I�m more positive now, when I used to be nothing but negative.
I realize how very lucky I am for everything I have. I have a car to sleep in; there are people who have to sleep under bridges and on the streets. It was less than zero several nights this past week, and I was fortunate enough to be able to drive around and turn my heater on to get warm.
I have a gym membership, so I get to shower everyday. I spend hours every morning and night at the gym exercising, keeping warm and showering. I am so extremely lucky to be able to do that.
I have enough money that I can eat everyday, I can get gas, and I can survive. When it was so cold I couldn�t breathe, I could afford a cheap motel room for the night. I don�t have to eat out of the trash, or beg for money or food.
It�s funny how having next to nothing can make you feel like the luckiest person in the world.
I know that when I lost Sam I learned to cherish every second I spend with him, and when I lost my ovary I learned how important having family and friends that love you is, and when I lost a place to live I learned to be thankful for everything I have because there are a lot of people who have it worse than I do.
I know this has nothing to do with this, but I keep thinking of a Taoist story that a friend sent me when I was sad, and though I don�t believe in fate, or that everything happens for a reason, I�d like to.
I will be ok, so please don�t worry about me.
