11.20.06
11:54 p.m.
like the sky is blue
My heart hurts. So deep inside that it feels as if the pain and emptiness will slowly engulf my entire being and I�ll soon cease to exist.I truly love Sam so much. I have never cared for another human being the way I care about him. He is my best friend, he�s my family, and he�s the only person I�ve let inside and still loved and accepted me. And be it next week, next month, next year, or 20 years from today, I will be here. I will be his friend forever, I will always be on his side, and I will love him and care for him forever. Because that�s what best friends do.
Like the sky is blue � it just is and always will be. Right?
And, I can�t pretend it doesn�t hurt to lose him. I can�t pretend that my insides aren�t growing heavier with every passing thought of him. But, if it wasn�t hard � if I could just easily move on and think nothing of it � it would mean that my feelings hadn�t been real; it would mean that he didn�t mean as much as I thought.
You know, I remember being so happy - and so scared - that I had finally felt what it was like to put someone else�s happiness first.
It was just last week.
I guess this is the true test. I guess this is where you prove you truly love someone so much that you�re willing to die a little inside, willing to lose them forever so that they�ll be happy.
And though it�s killing me inside, I�ve let him go.
