vintage Ice CubeThere are good and bad days. Today was on it's way to being a bad day, but it turned around in the 11th hour.
Well, technically in the 21st hour.
Anyway, Sam called because he needed to talk to someone that understood. And, once again, all I wanted was for him to be happy.
You have to realize what a foreign feeling this is to me, because I'm not good at putting other people's feelings ahead of mine when mine are still a bit raw.
His happiness trumped mine, and I think that's what it means to truly love someone. But, it didn't make me unhappy. It's not like I sacrificed my happiness for his, it's like it made me happy that I could be supportive and loving and not jealous or demeaning or hurtful. I don't know how to explain it.
It just made me happy.
Anyway, I realized that sometimes I still miss the idea of the future I had created in my head with him. And yes, there are days that I still miss having him around all the time.
But this - this open, honest, loving, supportive, amazingly comfortable friendship that has prevailed and flourished is so much better than anything we had before. It's the kind of friendship I've waited my entire life to have, and I think that everything that's happened, including the pain, has been worth it.
I know, now more than I've ever known, that I have someone that will understand and love me forever and nothing that happens in either of our lives will change that. I don't have to worry or pretend or manipulate him into loving me, because he just does and always will. This friendship will still be intact in 50 years when we both have our own families.
And that thought makes me smile.
I'm so very glad that he's my best friend and that we could get past this. It's been a pretty hard few months, but every minute and every tear and every fight has been worth it. This is completely different than what I had wished for, but it is a thousand times better than anything I ever thought I wanted.
Today was a good day.
(Great. Now all I can think of is Ice Cube)