12:30 a.m.

advice please

I know they say that your friendship will change when your best friend has a child, but Iíve really tried not to let it. I didnít want to be blamed for the end of a friendship, and Iíve tried my damnedest to make this friendship work.

Iíve read articles and websites and books, and they all blame the single child-free girl for being Ďjealousí. That itís all my fault, and that the poor little single girl canít fathom how wonderful life is with a child and how bleak it must seem to not have a family and blah, blah, blah.

It always says itíll be my fault that the friendship ends. Just to spite everyone Iíve made damn sure itís not my fault.

Jackie called me yesterday, the first time since our argument. She acted like it never happened, and I just went along with it so I wouldnít be the one ending our friendship.

She called to inform me that her and Jess, one of my friends from the clinic, are bringing their babies to Toddler Time on Tuesday. And, then on Wednesday theyíre going to a reading group, and on Thursday theyíre going to try swimming lessons for the babies. Oh, and on Saturday Jackie is having a ĎCouples Onlyí dinner party, ďSo, of course, I canít invite you. Itís more of a family thing, and since you donít even have a boyfriend, it wouldnít be any fun for you.Ē

Oh, but Jess, her husband, and her baby are going.

Just so I know.

And she and Jess have SO much in common. Itís just great talking to someone who knows what itís like to have a family.

The sad thing is that I know she just called to be a cunt and rub it in. In an hour and a half she didnít once ask me how I was, or what I was doing, or how school was going. There wasnít a single question posed to me.

And I know this is how she is, and I know that she is purposely trying to upset me, or hurt me, or make me jealous. I know sheís a liar, and tells these people what a great mother she is, and never a mention of shoving the child in front of the TV for hours upon hours.

The thing that really pisses me off is that Iím not jealous, but Iím sad. I feel like Iím in third grade again and I wasnít invited to Jackieís slumber party because she was mad at me that weekend. Then on Monday, everyone will be talking about it and Iíll be left out.

Why? Why do I care? I donít like children, I donít want one Ė at least not in the near future Ė but I still feel like Iím so left out. Why do I care about something I donít even want to be invited to?

Anyway, I need advice on that, and this:


I received one of these last year, too. I never did it because I was skeptical, though Iím not sure why Ė it came directly from the school. Official envelope and letterhead, too. Is it real? Should I pay $65 to join? Iím so indecisive.

Since Iím already begging for advice, why not one more thing. Do you think itís wrong of my best friend to make me watch Borat so much that I literally cried from laughing in my Russian professorís class because all I could picture was this:


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