12:17 a.m.

anxiety sucks

Tomorrow is the first day of school. In my usual fashion, I'm freaking out.

I feel lightheaded and nauseous.

Also, Jackie and I aren't speaking. She's pissed at me, and like a 3 year-old won't tell me why. She actually hung up on me. I just don't care anymore.

I am not her husband, and I'm not her mother - she will NOT treat me like she treats them. I will not be calling, or speaking to her, until she apologizes for acting like a total cunt. I know she thinks I blew her off on Saturday, but I called at least 6 times. Itís neither my fault, nor my problem, that she has creditors calling all the time and refuses to answer her phone.

Besides, she had a baby, not me. Just because she canít find a babysitter doesnít mean Iím going to sit at home with her and rot.

Good riddance.

Now, back to the freaking out. I took a 0.5mg xanax - which usually makes me so mellow I feel stoned - and it's done nothing. Or, it has and I'd be REALLY freaking out without it.

I'm taking another before bed, maybe then I'll be able to sleep.


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