04.11.06

1:46 a.m.

proud

So, a few days ago I received my financial aid award letter. I was shocked and had to read it several times to understand it.

I was given $21,000 in scholarships and grants. Just given - I�ll never have to repay them. And, it�s just for going to school to better my chances of a career, so that I can make more money. So that I can be smart.

What do they get out of it? $8,000 of the money is solely from the school. Which is basically saying, �We�ll let you come here tuition free AND pay you $3000 extra�.

I really don�t understand; I�m making more money going to school than I ever did working.

Honestly, there are days that I�m extremely upset with myself for dropping out of high school and not going to college. My career could be well established by now, and I wouldn�t have to worry about money again. But, I know if I had gone to college straight out of high school I wouldn�t have appreciated any of it. I would�ve taken this opportunity for granted and wasted it. My GPA wouldn�t be near what it is today, and I definitely wouldn�t be offered all these scholarships and grants.

I don�t admit it often, and I�m still ashamed of my past, but I�m so happy I was a fuck up. If I hadn�t had eight years of struggling, I wouldn�t be able to appreciate all I have now.

I�m proud of myself. And, that doesn�t happen often.

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