03.27.06
9:38 p.m.
I'm numb
Dear,When it comes down to it, I�m a pretty bad friend. I�m selfish.
You�re my best friend. More than anyone has ever been. More than people I�ve known for decades. I�ve told you everything and you�ve accepted it; you�ve told me everything and I�ve accepted it.
There isn�t anything that I wouldn�t share with you. I want to tell you everything. The minute I see something interesting, or funny, or unusual � you�re the first person I think of sharing it with. When I�m sad or lonely or upset, you�re the only person I want to comfort me.
I�ve never felt this safe with anyone.
I know I obsess about things that most people wouldn�t. I didn�t realize how selfish I was until you told me how much it hurt. I always worry about how my feelings are affected in every situation � even when it has nothing to do with me.
I twist things until it�s about me. I make it so it�s about me.
I�m sorry.
I love you so much that I honestly don�t know what I�d do without you. I�ve taken your presence for granted. You said you�d always love me and always be there for me, and I took it for granted.
I realize now that nothing is unconditional. I can�t just assume that you�ll always be there no matter how I treat you.
I just want you to be happy. You�re so beautiful when you smile; I can�t help but smile with you.
I don�t understand how this got so twisted. How it�s gone from �I love you� to �I loved you�. How only one letter can make me feel like my heart is broken into a thousand little pieces.
I suppose that�s a lie � I do know how it�s gone this far. I�ve ruined it. I wish it was like it used to be when you�d be so happy to talk to me and tell me things. That you didn�t have to worry about how I�d react. All I can say is that I�ll try to be better.
I�m sorry.
I love you very much, and always will. No matter what. I just want you to be happy, and if that means not having me in your life � then I guess I just have to accept that no matter how much it hurts me.
I�m so sorry.
Love,
me
