3:15 a.m.

'best' friend

Dear Jackie,

Baby shower invitations: 5 packages of 8 at $11 a package = $55
Napkins to match invitations: 2 packages of 18 at $8 = $16
Postage to mail invitations to people all around the world who we damn well know arenít coming but your greedy ass wants more gifts: 40 at $0.39 = $15.60
A special baby bottle, because itís the one you wanted (god forbid it be a cheap one that no one will use) to put candy in so people can guess how many are in it and win a prize: 1 at $12 = $12
Throwing a fit because M&Mís arenít good enough Ė you want to fill the bottle up with Cadbury mini eggs: 2 packages at $3.20 = $6.40
Gifts for the stupid games you insist on playing at the shower: 2 at $15, 1 at $20, and 1 grand Ďdoor prizeí because you want to extort even more gifts out of people by making them bring a package of diapers in addition to their regular gift at $45 = $95
Cost of items to make vegetable pizza, pigs in a blanket, and tiny sandwiches for 18 people = $34
Drinks Ė including special bottled water with electrolytes for you because youíre fucking psychotic: 3 cases of soda for $11, I case of water at $7 = $18
A Ďcenterpieceí made out of baby socks, bibs, and washcloths that I had to make myself: 1 at $35 = $35
And, Iím still expected to bring a gift, and since Iím the best friend it canít be cheap: 2 dresses at $10, a GloWorm for $10, a sweater to go with one of the dresses for $12 = $42

Total (not including many, many, many hours of my time) = $224

Your motherís contribution:
A small cake from Dairy Queen that says ĎWelcome to the worldí WTF?! She isnít even born yet: 1 at I dunno, but probably not more than $30

The ratio of birthday/showers/bachelorette parties/celebrations of any kind that Iíve thrown for you compared to ones youíve thrown for me: 5:0

Yes, Iím angry.

No, itís no jealousy.

Iím a poor college student, and I live with my mother. Yet, Iím expected to foot the bill for everything because youíre an only child and your mother Ďhas paid for everything since you were borní.


God, Iíve wanted to say that to you since your bridal shower.

Itís my fault, too. Iím such a fucking pushover. Iíd rather just be the doormat than have a confrontation with you. Itís probably why our friendship has lasted so long. And why Iím your ONLY friend.

But Iím getting really sick of it.

I feel like the only way to escape from this toxic relationship is to run away. I feel like I have to move to get away from you and the guilt Iíd feel for killing a friendship thatís lasted nearly 20 years.

How pathetic is that?

Youíll say itís jealousy Ė that I want a husband and a baby, and Iím just jealous that you have them.

Maybe to some extent thatís true. But I can tell you this Ė I donít want what you have.

First, you have a loveless marriage to a man that is lazy and has no direction in life. He thinks a $9.00 an hour job is sufficient to raise a family. He has no motivation in life, and to top it off heís an ass who treats you like a slave.

Second, I donít want to have a child while the government pays for everything. You planned to have this baby on Medicare. You went off birth control and tried to get pregnant damn well knowing you didnít have insurance. Although, you couldíve had insurance, but god forbid you pay for something other than your NetFlix subscription. Paying for insurance wouldíve made it financially impossible to have a family. Do you think that maybe thatís a fucking sign?

The worst part? You lied to me the entire time. You said youíd never have a child yet because you couldnít afford it. The whole time you were trying to get pregnant.

Third, I donít want my parents to be supporting me. You constantly hold the fact that you own a house over my head. But really, who owns it? Your parents re-mortgaged their house so you could get Ďyour own houseí. Itís the one and only bill you actually pay each month. Oh, and NetFlix. And you struggle to even do that.

Youíre already planning a second child because your husband didnít want a girl. I suppose everyone else will foot the bill on that one, too?

You donít even sense the irony when I bring up mandatory birth control for people on welfare so they wonít continue to have children when they canít afford it, and you agree.

Then, you claim that anyone over 30 shouldnít be allowed to have children because itís too much of a risk. You took one child development class, and now youíre an expert. An ill-informed expert at that. But you harp on that one fact over and over. I think itís just to make me feel like shit because if I have children, itís not going to be before Iím 30. And you know what? Iíll be able to afford them.

I suppose smoking while youíre pregnant is healthier for the baby than a 30 year old mother. At least that had better be your logic, or youíre nothing more than a pregnant, smoking hypocrite.

The extent to which youíve become white trash is sickening

I know Iíll never send this letter and that itís riddled with bad grammar and misspelled words, but I needed to vent. I needed to yell. I needed to tell you how youíve hurt me. How selfish youíre being, and how I fear for your child.

I wish I had the guts to tell you all of these things and more. But, Iím the spineless girl youíve always known, and Iíll sit here and take everything you throw at me.


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