02.21.06
3:15 a.m.
'best' friend
Dear Jackie,Baby shower invitations: 5 packages of 8 at $11 a package = $55
Napkins to match invitations: 2 packages of 18 at $8 = $16
Postage to mail invitations to people all around the world who we damn well know aren�t coming but your greedy ass wants more gifts: 40 at $0.39 = $15.60
A special baby bottle, because it�s the one you wanted (god forbid it be a cheap one that no one will use) to put candy in so people can guess how many are in it and win a prize: 1 at $12 = $12
Throwing a fit because M&M�s aren�t good enough � you want to fill the bottle up with Cadbury mini eggs: 2 packages at $3.20 = $6.40
Gifts for the stupid games you insist on playing at the shower: 2 at $15, 1 at $20, and 1 grand �door prize� because you want to extort even more gifts out of people by making them bring a package of diapers in addition to their regular gift at $45 = $95
Cost of items to make vegetable pizza, pigs in a blanket, and tiny sandwiches for 18 people = $34
Drinks � including special bottled water with electrolytes for you because you�re fucking psychotic: 3 cases of soda for $11, I case of water at $7 = $18
A �centerpiece� made out of baby socks, bibs, and washcloths that I had to make myself: 1 at $35 = $35
And, I�m still expected to bring a gift, and since I�m the best friend it can�t be cheap: 2 dresses at $10, a GloWorm for $10, a sweater to go with one of the dresses for $12 = $42
Total (not including many, many, many hours of my time) = $224
Your mother�s contribution:
A small cake from Dairy Queen that says �Welcome to the world� WTF?! She isn�t even born yet: 1 at I dunno, but probably not more than $30
The ratio of birthday/showers/bachelorette parties/celebrations of any kind that I�ve thrown for you compared to ones you�ve thrown for me: 5:0
Yes, I�m angry.
No, it�s no jealousy.
I�m a poor college student, and I live with my mother. Yet, I�m expected to foot the bill for everything because you�re an only child and your mother �has paid for everything since you were born�.
FUCK YOU.
God, I�ve wanted to say that to you since your bridal shower.
It�s my fault, too. I�m such a fucking pushover. I�d rather just be the doormat than have a confrontation with you. It�s probably why our friendship has lasted so long. And why I�m your ONLY friend.
But I�m getting really sick of it.
I feel like the only way to escape from this toxic relationship is to run away. I feel like I have to move to get away from you and the guilt I�d feel for killing a friendship that�s lasted nearly 20 years.
How pathetic is that?
You�ll say it�s jealousy � that I want a husband and a baby, and I�m just jealous that you have them.
Maybe to some extent that�s true. But I can tell you this � I don�t want what you have.
First, you have a loveless marriage to a man that is lazy and has no direction in life. He thinks a $9.00 an hour job is sufficient to raise a family. He has no motivation in life, and to top it off he�s an ass who treats you like a slave.
Second, I don�t want to have a child while the government pays for everything. You planned to have this baby on Medicare. You went off birth control and tried to get pregnant damn well knowing you didn�t have insurance. Although, you could�ve had insurance, but god forbid you pay for something other than your NetFlix subscription. Paying for insurance would�ve made it financially impossible to have a family. Do you think that maybe that�s a fucking sign?
The worst part? You lied to me the entire time. You said you�d never have a child yet because you couldn�t afford it. The whole time you were trying to get pregnant.
Third, I don�t want my parents to be supporting me. You constantly hold the fact that you own a house over my head. But really, who owns it? Your parents re-mortgaged their house so you could get �your own house�. It�s the one and only bill you actually pay each month. Oh, and NetFlix. And you struggle to even do that.
You�re already planning a second child because your husband didn�t want a girl. I suppose everyone else will foot the bill on that one, too?
You don�t even sense the irony when I bring up mandatory birth control for people on welfare so they won�t continue to have children when they can�t afford it, and you agree.
Then, you claim that anyone over 30 shouldn�t be allowed to have children because it�s too much of a risk. You took one child development class, and now you�re an expert. An ill-informed expert at that. But you harp on that one fact over and over. I think it�s just to make me feel like shit because if I have children, it�s not going to be before I�m 30. And you know what? I�ll be able to afford them.
I suppose smoking while you�re pregnant is healthier for the baby than a 30 year old mother. At least that had better be your logic, or you�re nothing more than a pregnant, smoking hypocrite.
The extent to which you�ve become white trash is sickening
I know I�ll never send this letter and that it�s riddled with bad grammar and misspelled words, but I needed to vent. I needed to yell. I needed to tell you how you�ve hurt me. How selfish you�re being, and how I fear for your child.
I wish I had the guts to tell you all of these things and more. But, I�m the spineless girl you�ve always known, and I�ll sit here and take everything you throw at me.
