2:51 a.m.

back in the ussr

Itís 2:51am and Iím up watching calculus lectures. I havenít gone to a single class all week. Although, I do prefer it this way. I can rewind, watch it again, pause, go pee, come back and start yet again. I think it helps me comprehend a bit more. It also helps me procrastinate more.

Iím the queen of procrastination.

Itís like I canít perform unless Iím in a serious time crunch and under such pressure my heart threatens to explode. But, thatís when I do my best work.

I swear. I am so fucked up.

Also, Iíve been procrastinating about asking my other professor for help in my linear algebra class. I feel so damn retarded that I donít get something called ELEMENTARY linear algebra. I skipped a class last week, and I think it did me in. It was the start of a new section, and now Iím completely lost. Would someone like to explain axioms 1 and 6 of vector spaces to me?

Anyway, Iím not sure how to ask for help. Iím not really good at it, and I have a slight crush on my teacher. Itís not really a crush on him, because, wellÖheís 40 and not very attractive. And married with a kid.

Yes, thatís a Mr. Rogers-ish sweater heís wearing.

So, itís a crush on the accent. In case you havenít noticed, Iím a bit obsessed about it. I have dreams of marrying the accent and reproducing little Draculas with cute little Russian accents.

I have a thing for any accent really. Well, let me rephrase: Any foreign accent. (This includes Canada, but not the southern United States nor certain regions of Mexico)

Some well paid psychologist will somehow attribute this to my father being from Germany and having a heavy German accent, but itís faded throughout the years, and I donít even notice it anymore. So, there.

Now, back to the problem. If I ask him for help Iíll just sit there dreamily staring at the paper trying hard to decipher any mathematical words from his accent all the while dreaming of baby Draculas. (Do they start off as baby bats?) But, heís the only one who can help me because Iíve already went to the math help center and theyíre pretty much useless unless itís a calculus question.

So, I have to get over my crush, pay attention and think of bad Russian things like the cold war, communism and mail order brides to help deter my indecent thoughts.

But not vodka, because thatís a damn good Russian export.

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