04.27.05

12:15 a.m.

good news/bad news

It�s been quite some time since I�ve updated.

Oh well.

Good News:

I received my financial aid award letter, and I kick ass. I got two scholarships and a Pell grant. My whole sophomore year is paid in full (with enough left over to live off of) with out having to take out a single student loan. Oh yeah, going to college when you�re old is completely worth it.

Though I would hardly describe any of my classes as hard this semester, they are getting a little stressful at the moment. I have two large projects due, a group project with a group of morons, and finals are in a little over a week. It�s just a bit overwhelming at this time of the semester. But, of course, I�m a big cry baby whiner so just ignore me. It�s not like this is real life or anything.

I am however guaranteed an A in two classes. That puts me a little more at ease.

Also, it�s been over a month since I�ve quit smoking. Yay me! I�m damn proud of myself. I know it sounds cheesy to say this, (cue the Mary Tyler Moore Show music) but I think I�m gonna make it after all. I am too young to know the lyrics to that show.

Bad News:

I�ve been having a little bit of self esteem issues lately. As in I don�t feel I�m worthy � of anything. I have this thing, this part of my personality that says I have to be perfect, and if I�m not, then I�m worthless.

Well, I haven�t been perfect lately, therefore I�m worthless.

You see, the problem lies here: I know this is irrational. I know that this isn�t even close to the truth. But, it doesn�t mean I don�t feel this way. It doesn�t mean I don�t beat myself up and feel like shit regardless of reason.

Also, I�m starting to have issues with food again. As in I hate it and don�t want anything to do with it. It�s more about being in control than anything.

I�ve been kicking ass in the exercise department as well. I go at least 6 days a week for an hour or two a day. I will totally annihilate anyone on the bike. Buns of steel eat your heart out, cause my ass and my thighs are made of Titanium. (Fuck, I�m a dork. Ah, but a dork with a nice scholarship. And a nice ass.)

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