03.10.05
7:55 p.m.
grapple
I was wandering through my local King Soopers grocery store, and came across an odd package. The �Grapple� was nested next to the apples, and claimed �Looks like an apple, tastes like a grape!�Hmm. Frankenfood. Yum.
Taking into consideration that I was at one point an organic only, no animal by product, zealous vegan, I thought I should feel guilty just for looking at them. But, for some reason I was drawn to them. I was doubtful that they really tasted like grapes. But, I took a whiff, and � oh my God � they actually smelled like grapes.
I really, really, really, really wanted to try one. I wanted to convince myself that genetically modified foods weren�t bad. It�s progress people. PROGRESS.
I mean, think of possibilities...
�Looks like a carrot, tastes like a hotdog!�
�Looks like a rutabaga, tastes like a cookie!�
�Looks like a penis, tastes like a vagina!�
Then I flipped the carton over. Apparently, they aren�t even real Franken foods. They just marinate the poor apples in grape juice.
Fuckers.
Then, I thought, �Well hell. That probably works with the penis/vagina situation, too.�
And that�s when I realized I�m not a lesbian, and pushed my little shopping cart into the next aisle.