11:41 p.m.

Date me

Update: apparently you need a free membership to view any of my damn profile. What a rip. Instead of putting you through that torture, I've posted the rest of my profile below. Think I'll get any dates?

In light of my recent dating disasters and my complete lack of social skills, I thought I’d try the whole online thing. I decided to test my theory that I am completely inept at relationships, and choose the cheesiest online site I could find. Here’s my profile.

Apparently, you have to have a “gold” membership to view the answers to the “adult” questions, but for you...mine’s free.


I'm normal - I swear

I'm just a normal girl looking for a normal guy to not have babies and not reproduce with.

Date of Birth: 9/4/1979 (age 24)

Sex: Female

Orientation: Heterosexual Female

City: Colorado Springs

State: Colorado

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Looking For: Dating / Activity Partner

Height: 5 feet 9 inches (175 cm)

Hair Color: Brown

Eye Color: Hazel

Religion: Agnostic

Education: Some College

Occupation: Student

Relationship Status: Single

Smoking: Regularly

Drinking: Occasionally

Children Now: No children

Children Future: No, do not want children


How would you describe your personality?

If only I could sum it up so easily.

Describe the kind of person you´re interested in meeting.

I'm interested in a guy who: Can carry a conversation, doesn't mind being called a dork, has a brain, isn't in jail, doesn't have 23 "girlfriends", doesn't require a conjugul visit, likes football, can enjoy camping without whining about lack of cell phone service, can take my sarcastic remarks with a grain of salt, and likes animals.

What kind of relationship would be ideal for you? Why?

A close relationship, but one where both people can have their own space. I'm a walking contridiction.

What do you look like?

I'm 5'9, brown hair, hazel eyes, freckles, and have a lisp.

What type of work do you do?

I work at a vet clinic, but am starting school in the fall to be a mechanical engineer.

How do you usually meet people?

Oh, you know...aisle three in supermarket...normal places. And now, apparently the internet.

Where were you born? Have you lived in locations of special interest?

Born and raised in Colorado. I've never left. Hell, I've never been out of the United States.

What would you like to do on a first date or meeting?

Preferably not insult my date.

What are your primary interests, hobbies and favorite things to do alone or with a companion?

Alone: Read, hike, walk the dogs, volunteer, masturbate...et cetera. With a companion: Camp, hike, walk the dogs, watch TV, have sex...et cetera.

If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?

Not be such a smartass.

What, if anything, have you learned from previous relationships?

There needs to be more than sex and drinking.

Describe something you would like to do but have never done.

I'd like to skydive.

What personal habits of others really turn you off?

Bad hygeine.

How do you feel about tattoos or piercings on yourself or on your partner?

I have tattoos and piercings. Makes no difference to me.

Do you use birth control products or condoms regularly? If not, why not?


What are your feelings about abortion?

Fine with me. I probably wouldn't have one, but then again - I'm actually responsible enough to not get pregnant.

What´s the biggest thing you would like a potential partner to possess?

That's a dangerous question.

What was the funniest thing that ever happened to you?

Too many to pick just one.

Do you prefer boxers or briefs? Why?

Either - the wrapping of a package doesn't matter nearly as much as what's inside, right?

What does ´sex appeal´ mean to you?

I think sex appeal depends on each person...whatever floats your boat.

Who is the person you would most like to have dinner with?

Bob Dylan

What goal(s) do you have? How will you make them come true?

Graduate college, get a damn good job, find someone to spend the rest of my life with, get rich, retire, then die happy. You're damn right I will.

On a scale of 1 to 10, (with 10 the MOST important) how important is sex to you? Why?

Honestly? 6 Amazingly, there's more to life than sex. Of course, there are those times that sex is 10.

If you have opinions about STD testing, please describe them here.

Everyone should be tested before they quit using condoms with their partner.

How honest have you been answering these questions?

Completely. (Who would say they weren't?)

Adult Interview:

How important is sex in your relationship(s)?

Very. It's a necessity.

How often do you like to have sex?

Once a day would be good. More if there's time.

Do you enjoy sex more at a specific time of day or is anytime OK with you?

Anytime's peachy for me.

How would you describe your past sex life?

Adventurous, but limited.

Under what circumstances would you sleep with someone on the first date?

Umm, under what circumstances wouldn't I? Kidding. Geez.

Have you ever played with toys or used sexual aids? If so, which ones and how did you use them?

Of course. All kinds...getting kind of personal aren't we?

What is your favorite sexual position? Why?

Any is great for me. Well, I lied...the "alone" position kind of sucks.

What kinds of sexy clothing or undergarments do you like to wear? What kinds would you like your partner to wear?

I don't wear "undergarments". They restrict access.

What part of your body do your sexual partners usually tell you they love?

My breasts. They rock.

Have you ever visited an X-Rated sex shop? Who did you go with? Did you purchase anything? What was it?

Of course. Anyone who'd venture in with me. Yep. It's a secret.

Do you own or have you ever rented X-rated videos? Describe a favorite scene from any porno flick you have watched.

Don't own any, and haven't ever rented any. Made my own once.

What was your best or worst experience on a ´blind´ date?

Two words: '82 DeLorean

Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship? What happened? Was it worth it?


What is your favorite pick-up line?

"I like your pheromones."

When you think of ´Sexy,´ what and/or who do you think of?

A guy with a well hung brain.

What´s your favorite way to seduce someone or have someone seduce you?

Tell them they're a dork.

What are the most sensitive areas of your body? Which are your favorites on your special someone? Why?

My breasts. His butt - why not?

What are your favorite sexual activities?

Hmm...sex comes to mind. I'm not opposed to oral sex either. Any sex, really.

What sexual activities would you like to try?

I think I've tried most.

Do you enjoy giving and/or receiving oral sex? Who is usually the aggressor, you or your partner?

I like giving better. I pounce like a cat in heat.

Can you achieve orgasm most or every time you have a sexual encounter? How important is it for your partner to also achieve orgasm?

Most every time. Who cares about him? Once again - kidding.

To what extent have you experimented with Bondage & Discipline or S&M?

That, I stay away from.

What, if any, are your Bondage & Discipline, S&M or top/bottom fantasies?


What is your most secret sexual fantasy?

Hmm..not sure.

What is your favorite outdoor sexual fantasy?

Any outdoor sex is good as long as it doesn't involve bugs in places they shouldn't be.

What´s your all-time record for sex in one day?

12 times.

How do others usually describe your best sexual asset(s)?

Damn - those are some big boobs. Do you have a lot of backaches?

If you could invent a love potion, what would the ingredients be?

Well, that's just a stupid question, isn't it?

If you could secretly watch someone, who would it be and what would they be doing?

I'd watch George Bush try to write a speech.

Would you consider or have you ever had a bi-sexual experience? If you did, what were the circumstances? If you´d like to try, what would be the ideal conditions?


What would you like to have happen if you were involved in group sex?

No desire to have group sex, sorry.

If you could pay someone well for sex, what would they look like, how much would you pay and what would you want them to do?

Umm, I'm desperate, but not that desperate.

Have you ever been involved with a swing club? If so, describe your favorite way to attend and what you would like to have happen there.


What is the kinkiest or most outrageous sexual experience you´ve ever had?

Sex on the roof. They should really name a drink that. Sex on the beach is so cliché.

Have you ever visited other adult sites on the Internet like Girls.com or Sexsites.com? If so, please tell us which one(s) and your opinion(s) of them.

Hmm, funny how you link to them right in the question.

Additional Comments:

I feel dirty now. I need a bath.

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