10:47 p.m.

Angry mobs...

Bear with me on this one, I’m gonna do a play-by-play of last night’s events; it’s a long story.

We arrived at the park about 7:00pm, amazingly it wasn’t too packed yet and we got a killer spot right next to the fenced off area. We plopped our happy asses down on the blanket and prepared for the hours ahead.

About 15 minutes after we sat down, nine “gangster” guys came up and started playing tackle football in the middle of everyone. They literally ran over an older couple and knocked down a child. They seemed to think it was funny. On the next play, the ball came flying towards us and two 300lb guys followed in hot pursuit. They jumped over us and kicked me in the process. Apparently everyone else was too afraid of them to say anything when they got trampled, but unlike them, I had been friends with people like this in the past and I wasn’t the slightest bit afraid. I stood up, yelled a few obscenities and told them not so nicely to go somewhere else. My little speech seemed to ruffle their feathers a bit, and they retorted with a few ignorant remarks. Examples: “Fuck off, bitch”, “What are you going to do about it?”, “You better shut the fuck up before I slap you”. Ok, the last one really pissed me off. I continued to cause a scene, and since everyone in the near vicinity had the same opinion as I did, the “gangsters” didn’t seem like such a threat. Now, imagine me – one single girl, being surrounded by nine very big and very angry football players. I did feel a little apprehensive, but figured if they decided to beat the crap out of me there were plenty of bystanders who would stop them. I took the low road and started commenting on how small their dicks must be if they have to trample children to feel better about themselves. Hmm...they didn’t like that so much and I had more than one proposition to find out for myself how well endowed they were. After a minute or so of lovely banter, a circle started forming around us. The crowd was on my side...at least I think they were...they were all too petrified to say anything. Eventually, the cops came to break up our little “fight” and as they were told to leave the park, the crowd started clapping. I’d like to think they were clapping for me. Jackie almost wet herself and threatened to kick my ass if I ever did that again.

After the initial drama had died down, and more than one person came to thank me, a little girl wandered up to me and asked if I was her mommy or knew where her mommy was. The little girl was only about two or three. For the next 35 minutes, I walked around with the cops trying to find her mother. We found her...and she hadn’t even noticed her daughter was gone. I suppose it was an honest mistake, she did have about 8 more children running around her. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to breed.

Ok, I figured I had done my Good Samaritan work for the day and hoped the rest of the evening would be peaceful. Nothing ever goes my way. There were two cops that had been patrolling inside the fenced off area all night; one of them spotted a loose dog running around...obviously very frightened. So, like any normal human being would do, he proceeded to chase after it with his motorcycle. Because, you know, dogs love to be chased by really loud vehicles. The dog bolted from one end of the area to the next, just looking for an escape. He darted toward me; I jumped the fence and caught hold of his collar. I thought that the moronic police officer would get off of his bike and walk up to us, but no such luck. He drove right on over and the dog flipped out. Luckily, I had a pretty damn good hold on his collar, and I refused to let go. As the cop finally slowed down, he decided that revving his engine would calm the dog. The dog started thrashing. I’m so glad I work at a vet clinic and know how to handle scared dogs; otherwise I probably would’ve been bit. I did however get 3 of my fingers sliced open by his collar. The cop sauntered over and pompously said, “Thanks Ma’am, I’ve got it from here.” Being the considerate person I am, I “nicely” told him how stupid it was to chase the dog around on a motorcycle. I kindly pointed out that German Shepherds are prone to bite, and had he actually gotten out of the fence and bit someone, it would’ve been his fault. I also pointed out that the dog was extremely frightened and might try to bite him if he came any closer. He however, knew everything and didn’t want to take my advice. He lunged toward the dog (and although I could’ve prevented it), the dog bit him. I couldn’t help but laugh. I really hope the dog doesn’t have to be euthanized (the decapitation scenario). He had a collar on, so I’m hoping his owners come and claim him.

By this time, the fireworks are almost ready to start. I tended to my wounds and just as I finished, they began. They were absolutely amazing, and everything I went through was worth it. The only thing that would’ve made it better – someone to go home and have sex with. Yes, sex is still on my mind. Maybe I should move to Minnesota...I heard they have decent guys.

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