07.02.04
11:12 p.m.
Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow...
New research shows people who smoke are less likely to have Alzheimer�s. Want to take a wild guess as to why that is? The cancer and emphysema will kill us off long before Alzheimer�s has a chance to get us.Smoking is a disgusting habit. Example: I cleaned the inside of my windshield today, the thick yellow nicotine stains were starting to impair my ability to drive. Ok, so maybe it wasn�t to that point, but it was filthy. I can only imagine what my lungs must look like. They�re probably filled to the brim with a black tar-like substance; not a single healthy cell in sight.
I�ve been coughing a lot in the past week...well, more like hacking up a lung. I�m not sure whether it�s a cold, or the start of my rapid health decline. I don�t suppose my asthma helps the situation. I should quit. I need to quit. I want to quit � sort of.
I�ve become accustom to a smoking schedule...every 2 hours. My body knows exactly when 10:00am is better than any clock does. If nicotine doesn�t enter my bloodstream within 15 minutes of any given �smoke� time, I start to feel anxious and irritable. If I�m in a situation where I usually would light up (a bar, the car, at home) it�s all I can think about. I feel like Pavlov�s dogs...behaviorally conditioned.
The addiction is far more than just the physical need for nicotine; it�s psychological. I need the security of a cigarette in my hand. It�s never let me down - it�s there when I�m stressed, when I�m happy, when I�m sad, on the long car ride to work, when I�m relaxing after sex, and when I wake up in the morning. It�s been there every time I�ve ever needed it. I can depend on a cigarette to calm and soothe me, or energize and excite me. How can I give such a wonderful relationship up?
I did quit once; I made it an entire week without one drag from a cigarette. It was the most excruciatingly difficult thing I�ve ever done. I hope I have the strength to try it again some day. For now, I�m off to 7-eleven...I�m out of cigarettes.
Useless observation for the day: My mother brought home a lighter from Cancun. On the side it says - Hecho en Estados Unidos.
