10:11 p.m.

Wedding's of the Rich & Snobby

Alright, I realize I've been neglectful. I apologize. I've been some what out-of-it lately.

Ok, so on to the wedding. It was horrendus. I arrived @ the church around 12:30pm to take pictures...woo-hoo! I arrived upon a scene that reminded me, and probably any sane person, of a funeral. Everyone was dressed in black and white, just wandering around as if someone had ran their puppy over. Very strange. We finally took the pictures. After about an hour of faking a smile, it was time to start the wedding.

Being the sister of the groom, I was escorted to my seat in the very first row. The music started, and my brother and his two groomsman (or whatever they're called) walked in. His best man stood right in front of me, blocking my view of my brother and the bride. I stared off in space. Eventually focusing on the jesus on the cross. It's a strange feeling when you stare at it for almost an hour. You should try it sometime.

I heard my brother & his soon to be wife reciting their vows. My brother's voice cracked. I couldn't see, but I'm damn sure he was bawling. She wasn't. Makes me wonder.

Finally the wedding part of the wedding was over. The family was escorted to the back as we waited for the 100-120 people to file out of the church. As we stood in the back of the church, I saw my father had tears in his eyes, of course my mother and grandmother did too. The bride still didn't. Getting very suspicious now. My brother was dousing his eyes with Visine.

Here comes the wedding coordinator, a very pushy and annoying older woman, telling us we can go out in the order we were seated. With the Bride and Groom last of course. Which left me first. Yipee!

Ok, I've made it past the wedding. Now me and Jackie (yes, my best friend, not my boyfriend...he chickened out) are on our way to the reception. 30 minutes later we arrive there. Traffic in downtown Denver on a Saturday isn't the best, not to mention it was held 15 miles away from the church. The reception was being held @ an elite club for rich people the bride's family belonged to. I was praying that this wasn't going to be a sign that the reception was going to be a snobby affair.

My prayers weren't answered. I've been to quite a few weddings that I've considered snobby. None will ever top this.

We walk in and immediately you could tell this place wasn't for people like me. People who make less than $150,000 a year. I can't even describe it. It reeked richness. Figuring that if they could afford this place, at least there would be an open bar, I immediately seeked shelter in the bar. I ordered a Jack and coke. The bartender immediately corrected me.."Do you mean a Bourbon and Coke?"

Well damnit, yes I mean "A Bourbon & Coke".

"That will be $7.50"

Now being the "white trash" I know these people would consider me, I didn't want to embarass my brother on his wedding day, so I kept my mouth shut. But you seriously should've seen the size of this drink. It was maybe 4 inches high, and about as round as my thumb. I about shit my pants.

No more drinks for me unless someone offers to buy me one.

I go down into the main ballroom, and look around. There are about twenty tall tables with no chairs. Apparently the rich don't sit. I suffered through 2 hours in heels. I almost plopped down against a wall, but that would've been just intolerable. I decide if I can't sit here, I might as well go sit in the bathroom. At least I'd get to rest, and I figured as hob-nobbish as this place was, there'd be a couch in there.

I went back to the bar and asked the Bartender where the "ladies room" was. Would hate to refer to it as the john, shitter, restroom, or god forbid, the bathroom.

I shit you not...he replied in a heavy British accent, covered in sarcasm, "The Powder Room is down the stairs to the left".

I found my way, and without a doubt there it was, labeled Powder Room. No such luck with the couch though. The girl handing out towels sure as hell had a chair though. I almost offered her $10 to let me sit for ten minutes, but I decided not to.

Finally, they decided to cut the cake. The $900 cake that was maybe worth $50. No smushing of the cake in each other's faces at this wedding.

How touching.

She threw the bouqet, I didn't catch it, even though there were only 5 of us. My brother flung the garter belt, and finally I was free to say my good-byes.

I hugged my brother wished him luck, said bye to my family and booked it to the car. I don't think I've ever been so happy to sit in a 150 degree car in my life.

Honestly, I don't think I ever will be again.

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