I started Wellbutrin today.
I've never been on any anti-depressants before. I've always been afraid of what people would think. That I'd be 'officially' crazy.
NEWSFLASH: I am fucking crazy. I don't care what people think anymore, it's not like it's tattooed on my forehead anyway. I just want to be happy again.
Apparently you aren't supposed to take Wellbutrin if you have a history of bulimia or anorexia, but I lied and said I didn't. (Even though I told her that I was bulimic last year and she brushed it off like it wasn't even said. I don't even think it's in my chart.) It ups the risk of seizure, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.
I've been on 3 rounds of prednisone and I've gained all the weight I've lost in the past few months. I'm so frustrated and angry. I know it's water weight as I feel like a water balloon ready to explode, but it's still a significant enough amount of weight to make me cry. Literally.
It was really hard to ask the doctor for the prescription and I teared up a bit. I blamed my anxiety for everything and she said that Wellbutrin really wasn't that great for people with anxiety because it's a stimulant. However, I had my heart set on it because of the weight loss aspect, and I wasn't about to let anything deter me from getting them. I'm set to try it out for 6 weeks and go back for a recheck. I took my first one today. Obviously, I don't feel any different yet.
I'm really optimistic that this will help. I know it's not going to magically make everything in my life better, but deep down I kind of think it will. Maybe just thinking that it will change everything for the better will be enough to cause a placebo effect? I hope so, I'm really sick of being so tired and sad and angry and lonely.