01.03.07
12:41 a.m.
I've given up
Mark came home tonight around 11:00pm. I wasn't going to come over, but I'm here now.I have come to the conclusion that there will never be someone that will know everything about me and unconditionally love me and want me therefore I will just accept that fact and move on.
Mark is a nice person, and I can make it work with him. I'm getting older by the second and suddenly my body has decided to grow a biological clock.
I see Jackie and Jess with their children and though I swore I never wanted them, I think I do. I'm beginning to believe the reason people have children is to have that person that will unconditionally love you and want you and need you and accept you - always. I don't think that kind of love exists in any other form.
I honestly don't know what I want. Or, I do but it just isn't possible to have anymore. It's just a disappointing realization, and I don't want to face it.
Tonight I almost ran away from this town. I packed my car and just drove. I was going to leave everyone and everything I knew and disappear. Five hours later I had been to the Kansas border and back.
I don't even have the guts to run away.