12.22.06

11:40 p.m.

I want you to die first

I somehow got into a conversation tonight about old married couples. Everyone, with the exception of one person, said theyd rather die before their spouse because if they didnt, theyd be so devastated by the loss it would kill them.

Then Jackies husband said hed rather have her die first because then he could finally get some peace and quiet without her nagging him all the time. (Which is probably why their marriage is falling apart and she wants me to help her cheat on him.)

I was the only person who wanted their spouse to die first because I couldnt bear the thought of how sad hed be if I died first. If I had been with someone that long, Id care about him enough to want him to die first so hed never have to feel that kind of pain.

Im not a martyr by any means, but Id like to think Im not a selfish person. If I could, Id take all the pain of everyone Ive ever loved and bear it myself rather than see them so sad and unhappy. Id do anything to make others happy.

Then we argued about prenuptials, and apparently I'm the only one that thinks that they're a good idea. So let me get this right, you don't care enough to spare the person you've spent your life with the pain of losing you, but a pre-nup means you don't love them?

I guess my reasoning is faulty. I wouldn't be surprised.

Anyway, I have to work at the vet clinic tomorrow, but I have to get up early to go to the gym before my shift. I have a secret crush on a girl there, and we have this weird flirty thing going on in the locker room. Shes even brushed up against my bare nipples when she walked by to get to the shower; more than once. Im not into girls, but shes so cute I cant resist. I want to touch her so badly I dream about her. Im not opposed to experimenting; Im in college, right? Ok, TMI.

Goodnight.


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