ceaseThere's another nicer entry before this.
My mother locked her keys in the car while it was running this morning and, of course, it was my fault. Because by merely being born, I've ruined her entire life, and every tiny daily detail that goes wrong.
I gave her my AAA card and told her to call them and pretend she was me, then I left before a gigantic fight broke out.
She just came home and we had the worst blowout we've ever had. Basically, she wishes I was never born, or dead, or both and wants me out of her life and out of her home. I have my clothes and a few important things packed in my car including my ancient laptop (which hopefully still works) and I'm leaving. It will only get worse as the the realization that my father's money has truly run out.
I feel ten inside.
I don't have anywhere to go, I'm stubborn and refuse to let people know I live like this. Even when I was younger and living in my car, no one knew. I'll shower and change at the gym.
I can't live like this anymore. I can't live with her hating me for being me, for screaming at me for leaving a fork in the sink, for resenting every breath I take inside her house.
I have to leave Bailey and my cats behind. Bailey ran out of his medicine this weekend and can't walk. I can't afford to buy them anymore, and I already felt horribly guilty this weekend. I couldn't stop crying. I think he's better off being euthanized than having to deal with this. I can't make him suffer like this, and I can't afford the medicine.
I have to leave, she's screaming at me again and throwing my things in the yard.
I will cease existing, just as she wanted.