11.20.06

11:54 p.m.

like the sky is blue

My heart hurts. So deep inside that it feels as if the pain and emptiness will slowly engulf my entire being and Iíll soon cease to exist.

I truly love Sam so much. I have never cared for another human being the way I care about him. He is my best friend, heís my family, and heís the only person Iíve let inside and still loved and accepted me. And be it next week, next month, next year, or 20 years from today, I will be here. I will be his friend forever, I will always be on his side, and I will love him and care for him forever. Because thatís what best friends do.

Like the sky is blue Ė it just is and always will be. Right?

And, I canít pretend it doesnít hurt to lose him. I canít pretend that my insides arenít growing heavier with every passing thought of him. But, if it wasnít hard Ė if I could just easily move on and think nothing of it Ė it would mean that my feelings hadnít been real; it would mean that he didnít mean as much as I thought.

You know, I remember being so happy - and so scared - that I had finally felt what it was like to put someone elseís happiness first.

It was just last week.

I guess this is the true test. I guess this is where you prove you truly love someone so much that youíre willing to die a little inside, willing to lose them forever so that theyíll be happy.

And though itís killing me inside, Iíve let him go.

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