11.14.06

12:08 a.m.

four reasons my vagina is depressed

Boys are dismissed from class for the day.

depressed vagina

It�s been almost 2 weeks since surgery, and my stomach is still sore, and I�ve been pushing myself a bit too hard, so I think it�s worse than if I would�ve just rotted away in bed.

Ok, honesty time.

My bulimia has fucked up my body. When I first started purging, I was 12 and I did it quite sporadically. Since then I�ve gone in very distinct patterns of purging, anorexic-like behaviors and compulsive overeating. So, I haven�t purged non-stop for 14 years, but it�s definitely taken its toll on my body.

In the past year, my bulimia was out of control, and I would purge anywhere from 3-15 times a day. I�d binge, purge to make room for more food, and binge again. It�s the lowest I think I�ve ever felt in my life.

Reasons my vagina is depressed:

1) The pressure of the purging caused a hernia in my vagina. Yum.

I�m pretty embarrassed by this, ok really embarrassed, even though it�s really small, and nothing like the pictures in Google images. It�s why I haven�t mentioned it before. Anyhow, it�s not like you can see it from the outside or anything. When I had my pelvic exam in the ER the doctor commented on it, and how rare it was for a 27 year old who had never given childbirth to have it, so I had to fess up to my bulimia. He said I may need surgery in the future if it doesn�t resolve itself with kegals and a healthier (read: no purging) lifestyle. I don�t know why he couldn�t do it while he was in there, but I wasn�t in the right frame of mind to even think about that then.

2) I�m bleeding and cramping again. I think it�s my period starting up again, though it�s not due. Did you know that when you ovulate your ovaries take turns? I didn�t. So, Righty is probably pretty pissed that Lefty is slacking and just decided to take over. Though they said it could be anywhere from 1 week to 3 months before I got my period, I think I�m one of the lucky ones that didn�t have to wait 3 months. /sarcasm

Yes, I�m such a dork that I just used /sarcasm

3) I need a good waxing. I�m never using a depilatory again, I hate razor burn and I�m afraid to shave where the wax isn�t afraid to go. Alas, I�m too poor to get one and it�s driving me insane.

So, the doctor says I can�t have sex for 6 weeks. I haven�t had sex with Mark, and I have to admit I�m glad this has given me an excuse to avoid it.

I�ve only had sex with two people. Sex has always been a pretty important thing to me, and I have this notion in my head that if I have sex with someone it makes me a whore. I know it�s not true, but nonetheless I view sex as something important to me.

Don�t get me wrong, once I decide to have sex with someone, all inhibitions are gone and you�d mistake me for a rabbit. Jeremy and I had sex everywhere all the time, including the roof of my house, the front porch, the park, the restroom in the bar, etc. So, it�s not like I�m�anyway, you get my point.

4) I�m just up in the air about Mark right now, and I�m surprised he�s stuck around this long without sex. However, I�m glad we haven�t complicated things with it, yet.

But, my vagina isn�t happy about it.

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