11.14.06

12:08 a.m.

four reasons my vagina is depressed

Boys are dismissed from class for the day.

depressed vagina

Itís been almost 2 weeks since surgery, and my stomach is still sore, and Iíve been pushing myself a bit too hard, so I think itís worse than if I wouldíve just rotted away in bed.

Ok, honesty time.

My bulimia has fucked up my body. When I first started purging, I was 12 and I did it quite sporadically. Since then Iíve gone in very distinct patterns of purging, anorexic-like behaviors and compulsive overeating. So, I havenít purged non-stop for 14 years, but itís definitely taken its toll on my body.

In the past year, my bulimia was out of control, and I would purge anywhere from 3-15 times a day. Iíd binge, purge to make room for more food, and binge again. Itís the lowest I think Iíve ever felt in my life.

Reasons my vagina is depressed:

1) The pressure of the purging caused a hernia in my vagina. Yum.

Iím pretty embarrassed by this, ok really embarrassed, even though itís really small, and nothing like the pictures in Google images. Itís why I havenít mentioned it before. Anyhow, itís not like you can see it from the outside or anything. When I had my pelvic exam in the ER the doctor commented on it, and how rare it was for a 27 year old who had never given childbirth to have it, so I had to fess up to my bulimia. He said I may need surgery in the future if it doesnít resolve itself with kegals and a healthier (read: no purging) lifestyle. I donít know why he couldnít do it while he was in there, but I wasnít in the right frame of mind to even think about that then.

2) Iím bleeding and cramping again. I think itís my period starting up again, though itís not due. Did you know that when you ovulate your ovaries take turns? I didnít. So, Righty is probably pretty pissed that Lefty is slacking and just decided to take over. Though they said it could be anywhere from 1 week to 3 months before I got my period, I think Iím one of the lucky ones that didnít have to wait 3 months. /sarcasm

Yes, Iím such a dork that I just used /sarcasm

3) I need a good waxing. Iím never using a depilatory again, I hate razor burn and Iím afraid to shave where the wax isnít afraid to go. Alas, Iím too poor to get one and itís driving me insane.

So, the doctor says I canít have sex for 6 weeks. I havenít had sex with Mark, and I have to admit Iím glad this has given me an excuse to avoid it.

Iíve only had sex with two people. Sex has always been a pretty important thing to me, and I have this notion in my head that if I have sex with someone it makes me a whore. I know itís not true, but nonetheless I view sex as something important to me.

Donít get me wrong, once I decide to have sex with someone, all inhibitions are gone and youíd mistake me for a rabbit. Jeremy and I had sex everywhere all the time, including the roof of my house, the front porch, the park, the restroom in the bar, etc. So, itís not like IímÖanyway, you get my point.

4) Iím just up in the air about Mark right now, and Iím surprised heís stuck around this long without sex. However, Iím glad we havenít complicated things with it, yet.

But, my vagina isnít happy about it.

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