10.23.06

10:39 p.m.

obviously there's something wrong with him

I haven't felt like writing lately.

I've been seeing Mark, and made a fool of myself because I decided to have sex with him, then milliseconds before we did, I freaked out and said no. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I just freaked, but he's been nice about it. He really is a nice guy.

Seriously, I don't know what the fuck my problem is, he's perfect on paper. He's smart, he's nice, he's fucking gorgeous and probably has 0.00005% body fat (which makes me feel completely inadequate, but he never mentions it), he has a nice smile (seriously ladies, if you want to see I'll email you a photo - I need a second opinion because I'm kinda afraid he's gay. He seems too pretty.), he's funny, he has a great job already, he owns his own home, and he drives an Audi - not an SUV (yum), he likes to hike, he likes to bike, he likes to camp, blah, blah, blah.

I'm probably the only girl in the world that would even question this relationship. He's 31. He seems perfect. Why is he still single?! Obviously there's something wrong with him. And in the same vein as a Groucho Marx quote, I'm not sure I want to date someone that wants to date me.

I mean Hello, do you not know how fucked up I am? No, cause Im a big, fat fake.

I slept in my car last night, and I'll probably be doing it again tonight. I had a lot of time to think, which probably isn't a good thing because I start making shit up in my head. Anyway, I've decided to like Mark. I made a conscious decision to like him. I know that's weird, but I just need to do it. There are definitely traits that he has that remind me of my father, or ex-boyfriends, and I know that it's not going to be all roses and wine, but he's the kind of person I'm supposed to marry.

He really is nice. I'm sure he would let me sleep here, but I really just think that's tacky. Hi, I live at home with my mother and she kicked me out. I know I just met you, but can I kinda, sorta live here just at nights?

Whatever, I just don't tell him. It's better that way.

Im typing this on his laptop, and hes just sitting here watching The X-Files because I said I had a crush on David Duchovny.

What the fuck is wrong with him?


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