09.29.06
12:31 a.m.
You: please don't read this
I am the most pathetic person I know.I�m in love with someone that doesn�t love me back.
And, he�s my best friend.
And, I told him.
And I was so stupid to believe that I was going to live some retarded fucking fantasy life with him. And everything would be ok. And he�s going on a date tomorrow and I feel more heartbroken than I have ever felt in my life.
And even if he said, �I love you. I want you. I choose you.� It wouldn�t help because there is nothing that can be said now. There is nothing that can fix this.
And he�s my best friend and I talk to him everyday and he�s been avoiding me though he says he hasn�t. And I�ve missed him so much. And when I talked to him I blurted out all these things and then he tells me he�s going on a date.
And I want to crawl in a hole and die.
And I do love him very much, and I want him happy and he should do what makes him happy.
And I�m just a selfish, pathetic person because I want nothing but what makes me happy.
And it�s been over two years and I can�t imagine my life without him. When I think of something funny, or I�m having a bad day or anything�the only person I want to tell is him.
And he knows everything about me, now more than I�ve ever wanted anyone to know. Because now he knows everything and he has the power and I just don�t have the energy to do this again.
I don�t have the energy to know someone as much as I know him. And I don�t have the energy to let someone know me like he knows me.
And I just give up.
And it�s not his fault, and I can�t be mad at him.
And I would miss him so much if I never talked to him again, but I don�t think I�m strong enough to do this.
And I got an invitation to an ex boyfriend�s wedding. And it basically sums up my life.
I�m the girl that boys stay friends with while they go marry someone else.
I feel like I�m just walking around empty. I don�t know how to describe it; I�m sure it�s just standard heartbreak. Though, I�ve never felt it like this before.
And I feel so guilty that he has to deal with this. I wish I would�ve just kept my mouth shut. I wish I could�ve pretended to be happy for him, and be the person he needs me to be, but I�m too selfish.
And now he knows everything. Things I�ve never told people and things I�ve never told myself. He knows things I wish he didn�t.
I�ve never felt this vulnerable and pathetic in my life.
But, I suppose it�ll do me good. I�m not hungry for the first time in a year.
