04.06.06
3:33 a.m.
exhausted
I�m exhausted, both physically and mentally.Anna, Jackie�s new baby, is quite adorable. I honestly don�t think I�m biased, either. Mainly because there were a few hours right after she was born that I doubted the cuteness.
Her birth was quite uneventful � at least for her husband, Scott, who slept through half of it. Her mother didn�t even show up until 15 minutes before she gave birth. Why was I the only one there and awake the entire time? It�s not my baby.
Anyway, I�ve been avoiding writing. This birth has me feeling nothing but inadequate.
I have nothing to show for my life. My accomplishments are intangible. Once I�ve graduated, no one will care what my GPA was. And really, that�s all I�ve got going for me.
I�ve still yet to work these feelings out � which is why I�ve been avoiding writing here. I think deep down, I�m ashamed about how I really feel. I guess I�m just jealous.
But, I�m tired now and all I want to do is crawl into my bed, cry, and sleep.
Below are some pictures. (Beware; the last one is quite�um�graphic. But not in the way you�re thinking right now.) She�s jaundiced, so that�s why she looks like a pumpkin.
The doctor said I was the only one who ever asked for this picture. She was so excited that I did.
