03.17.06

1:18 a.m.

fuck you natural selection

Morning

This afternoon before I left for class, I went outside to feed the squirrels and one was there waiting.

His whole head was swollen and his left eye was covered in something white. I couldnít tell if it was pus or if skin had started to grow over the eye.

The moment I realized that something was seriously wrong with his eye, this feeling washed over me.

This feeling of helplessness. And all I wanted to do was to pick him up and fix him. Bring him to the clinic and take care of his eye. Do something.

He moved so slowly that you could tell he was in pain. Sad even. Yes, he was definitely sad.

I started crying.

Iím sure it was just some mix of emotions that Iíd felt earlier in the day. And most likely itís just PMS.

But, I cried.

Then I decided that I could try. I could at least try to help him. I had extra torbugesic syrup (for pain) from an injury that one of the cats had earlier. I figured up the dosage, opened a peanut slightly, poured the syrup inside the shell, and fed it to him.

He seemed to like it. I hope he makes it. Even if heís only got one eye.

Who knows, the medicine I gave him may kill him.

Iím going to call the clinic tomorrow and ask one of the doctors if squirrels can have Clavamox. I have an extra bottle, and Iím sure I could dose him without a problem.

If he comes back.

Hopefully he will. The whole medicine in the peanut shell idea worked wonderfully. He liked it so much; he ate the shell, too.

I canít stop thinking about him. Worrying about him. How sad and scared and painful he must be.

I realize thereís natural selection for a reason. And, I even realize that I am becoming the crazy lady who brought every damn bird that fell out of its nest into the clinic - the one that I loathed when I worked there fulltime.

I canít help it. If I were a religious gal, Iíd be praying for the damn thing.

I just want him to be ok.

Iím crying again. Iím going to bed.

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I'm Not Dead, I Swear

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