03.17.06
1:18 a.m.
fuck you natural selection
This afternoon before I left for class, I went outside to feed the squirrels and one was there waiting.
His whole head was swollen and his left eye was covered in something white. I couldn�t tell if it was pus or if skin had started to grow over the eye.
The moment I realized that something was seriously wrong with his eye, this feeling washed over me.
This feeling of helplessness. And all I wanted to do was to pick him up and fix him. Bring him to the clinic and take care of his eye. Do something.
He moved so slowly that you could tell he was in pain. Sad even. Yes, he was definitely sad.
I started crying.
I�m sure it was just some mix of emotions that I�d felt earlier in the day. And most likely it�s just PMS.
But, I cried.
Then I decided that I could try. I could at least try to help him. I had extra torbugesic syrup (for pain) from an injury that one of the cats had earlier. I figured up the dosage, opened a peanut slightly, poured the syrup inside the shell, and fed it to him.
He seemed to like it. I hope he makes it. Even if he�s only got one eye.
Who knows, the medicine I gave him may kill him.
I�m going to call the clinic tomorrow and ask one of the doctors if squirrels can have Clavamox. I have an extra bottle, and I�m sure I could dose him without a problem.
If he comes back.
Hopefully he will. The whole medicine in the peanut shell idea worked wonderfully. He liked it so much; he ate the shell, too.
I can�t stop thinking about him. Worrying about him. How sad and scared and painful he must be.
I realize there�s natural selection for a reason. And, I even realize that I am becoming the crazy lady who brought every damn bird that fell out of its nest into the clinic - the one that I loathed when I worked there fulltime.
I can�t help it. If I were a religious gal, I�d be praying for the damn thing.
I just want him to be ok.
I�m crying again. I�m going to bed.
