02.20.06

2:01 a.m.

Mark Stevens

Dear Pervert,

Sending me an email entitled ‘email sex’ that says nothing but, “Yr hot lets have email sex I want to fuck your ass and feet” is not sexy. It does not make me want to contact you at MStevens@graphiccontrols.com. Or contact you in any way, really.

Honestly.

I promise.

It does nothing for me.

And, how do you fuck my feet? What if my feet weren’t sexy? What exactly is email sex? I think the lag time would be a pretty big buzzkill.

I really hope you don’t go around emailing everyone like this. It’s not good etiquette, nor does it display good social skills. And, this is coming from someone who has almost no social skills.

Anyway, thank you for the offer, but I think I’m going to pass this time around.

Good luck in the future.

Sincerely,
me

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