08.13.05

12:06 a.m.

snot and fruit

Jackie was baby sitting her six month old nephew today, and asked me to go out to lunch with her. My response? No, you have a baby with you.

I'm not fond of children.

She begged, pleaded, and offered to pay. So of course, I went. Because free is free, and I'm poor until the student loans and scholarship money gets disbursed.

I shouldn't have caved so easily for a stupid burrito from Chipotle.

I told her, in no uncertain terms, that if the child starts to cry and we are in a public place, we get up and leave. No ifs, and, or buts about it. I LOATHE when people bring their snotty nosed, whiny children into public and just let them bawl. You might be trying to teach the kid some sort of lesson about life, or you may just be a horrible parent, but either way, I shouldn't have to hear it screaming and crying while I'm shoving a burrito into my mouth. Of course, that's just me.

I like the idea that children should be seen and not heard.

Anyway, she agreed, because before she fell under the spell of this little monster, she had, at least, a shred of decency and common sense.

He was actually extremely well behaved through the entire lunch. Not a sound other than the gurgling snot and drool. Which, I don't like, but I can handle. After lunch she had to stop into a store down the block to get a few things.

All hell broke loose. That kid did NOT SHUT UP. Screaming, crying, throwing knives, making things spontaneously combust into a fireball. It was pure torture. And of course, Jackie wouldn't leave without getting what she wanted.

I was furious. In fact, so furious that I had to leave the store.

There's really no point to this story. No funny ending, no cat fight in the parking lot. In fact, I don't really know why I wrote it. Um...Moral of the story: don't believe anything a person with an infant tells you? Sure, why not.

In completely unrelated news, my nose has been stuffed up with snot from allergies for the past...well, forever. But, it's been worse lately. Today, I rushed to the bathroom to grab a Kleenex, and before I could get there I blew the biggest snot bubble out of my left nostril. Literally, the thing was the size of a large plum. Enthralled with my new found talent, I tried to see how big I could get it. It got to around the size of an orange before it popped. Just thought I'd share.

Why do I compare everythingís size to that of a fruit?

Oh also, I fell out of my chair four more times. Itís getting to be a bit annoying. But on the brighter side, it's working my ab muscles similar to the way a stability ball would. Iíll have rock hard abs in no time. I shall take a picture as soon as possible. Of the chair, not my abs. Trust me, you donít want to see that white fleshy mass.

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