05.23.05

7:07 p.m.

Ten things I wish I didnít know:


1. The fear of not being perfect - at everything.
2. What it feels like to eat so much you can barely move.
3. That food looks almost exactly the same after itís been in your stomach for 10 minutes.
4. What it feels like to fast for almost a month.
5. What it feels like to run on the treadmill, ride the bike, and use the elliptical 10 hours in one day.
6. The devastating feeling of stepping on a scale and gaining, even though you exercised non-stop and didnít eat more than 2000 calories the entire week.
7. What itís like to be so obsessed with food, itís all you can think about.
8. Knowing the calorie count of everything from a pea to a McDonaldís Big Mac.
9. What itís like to completely hate yourself.
10. Knowing that what Iím doing to myself is wrong, unhealthy and abusive. But, not being able to stop.

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