04.27.05

12:15 a.m.

good news/bad news

Itís been quite some time since Iíve updated.

Oh well.

Good News:

I received my financial aid award letter, and I kick ass. I got two scholarships and a Pell grant. My whole sophomore year is paid in full (with enough left over to live off of) with out having to take out a single student loan. Oh yeah, going to college when youíre old is completely worth it.

Though I would hardly describe any of my classes as hard this semester, they are getting a little stressful at the moment. I have two large projects due, a group project with a group of morons, and finals are in a little over a week. Itís just a bit overwhelming at this time of the semester. But, of course, Iím a big cry baby whiner so just ignore me. Itís not like this is real life or anything.

I am however guaranteed an A in two classes. That puts me a little more at ease.

Also, itís been over a month since Iíve quit smoking. Yay me! Iím damn proud of myself. I know it sounds cheesy to say this, (cue the Mary Tyler Moore Show music) but I think Iím gonna make it after all. I am too young to know the lyrics to that show.

Bad News:

Iíve been having a little bit of self esteem issues lately. As in I donít feel Iím worthy Ė of anything. I have this thing, this part of my personality that says I have to be perfect, and if Iím not, then Iím worthless.

Well, I havenít been perfect lately, therefore Iím worthless.

You see, the problem lies here: I know this is irrational. I know that this isnít even close to the truth. But, it doesnít mean I donít feel this way. It doesnít mean I donít beat myself up and feel like shit regardless of reason.

Also, Iím starting to have issues with food again. As in I hate it and donít want anything to do with it. Itís more about being in control than anything.

Iíve been kicking ass in the exercise department as well. I go at least 6 days a week for an hour or two a day. I will totally annihilate anyone on the bike. Buns of steel eat your heart out, cause my ass and my thighs are made of Titanium. (Fuck, Iím a dork. Ah, but a dork with a nice scholarship. And a nice ass.)

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