03.22.05

8:44 p.m.

I want penis - cigarette flavored penis.

Ok. Its been 1 day, 21 hours, 44 minutes and 7 seconds since Ive had a cigarette.

I think Ive reached the delusional and irrational thinking stage.

First thought: Surely being morbidly obese is far worse for my health than smoking. Im eating everything in sight. Ive had so many carrots that my eyesight has suddenly reverted back to 20/20. Things I want almost as badly as I want a cigarette: chocolate, Cadbury crme egg, ice cream, black forest cake, cheesecake, pizza, a petit four (or 20), egg salad sandwich, half a cow, cereal, that cute pig from Charlottes Web, a kiwi, grapes, something really greasy from McDonalds, and the unnatural orange cheese from 7-eleven.

Second thought: I hate everyone. I wouldnt mind harming a few people right now. In particular - the driver that cut me off while I was driving to the store to get my nicotine patches. Yes, a fiery torturous death for him would be nice. And, Im pretty sure there are cigarettes in jail. Hell, Id be Big Shirleys bitch right now for a drag. Jail isnt looking so bad. Id be getting laid and a steady supply of nicotine. Bring it on.

I literally went on a 20 minute diatribe about whores this afternoon.

Third thought: I have an oral fixation. I will put anything into my mouth at this point. I caught myself with my car key in my mouth this afternoon. And, I just removed a gum wrapper. No gum, just the wrapper. I chewed on a straw until it practically disintegrated, and then I continued to chew on the remaining pieces. I dont care, make obnoxious penis references. Id be more than happy with a penis right now. A nice long, thin, cigarette flavored penis. Anyone have one of those?

Fuck, NOW IM A WHORE. I even irritate myself. No one is safe.


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