03.22.05
8:44 p.m.
I want penis - cigarette flavored penis.
Ok. It�s been 1 day, 21 hours, 44 minutes and 7 seconds since I�ve had a cigarette.I think I�ve reached the delusional and irrational thinking stage.
First thought: Surely being morbidly obese is far worse for my health than smoking. I�m eating everything in sight. I�ve had so many carrots that my eyesight has suddenly reverted back to 20/20. Things I want almost as badly as I want a cigarette: chocolate, Cadbury cr�me egg, ice cream, black forest cake, cheesecake, pizza, a petit four (or 20), egg salad sandwich, half a cow, cereal, that cute pig from Charlotte�s Web, a kiwi, grapes, something really greasy from McDonalds, and the unnatural orange cheese from 7-eleven.
Second thought: I hate everyone. I wouldn�t mind harming a few people right now. In particular - the driver that cut me off while I was driving to the store to get my nicotine patches. Yes, a fiery torturous death for him would be nice. And, I�m pretty sure there are cigarettes in jail. Hell, I�d be Big Shirley�s bitch right now for a drag. Jail isn�t looking so bad. I�d be getting laid and a steady supply of nicotine. Bring it on.
I literally went on a 20 minute diatribe about whores this afternoon.
Third thought: I have an oral fixation. I will put anything into my mouth at this point. I caught myself with my car key in my mouth this afternoon. And, I just removed a gum wrapper. No gum, just the wrapper. I chewed on a straw until it practically disintegrated, and then I continued to chew on the remaining pieces. I don�t care, make obnoxious penis references. I�d be more than happy with a penis right now. A nice long, thin, cigarette flavored penis. Anyone have one of those?
Fuck, NOW I�M A WHORE. I even irritate myself. No one is safe.
