03.10.05

7:55 p.m.

grapple

I was wandering through my local King Soopers grocery store, and came across an odd package. The �Grapple� was nested next to the apples, and claimed �Looks like an apple, tastes like a grape!�

Hmm. Frankenfood. Yum.

Taking into consideration that I was at one point an organic only, no animal by product, zealous vegan, I thought I should feel guilty just for looking at them. But, for some reason I was drawn to them. I was doubtful that they really tasted like grapes. But, I took a whiff, and � oh my God � they actually smelled like grapes.

I really, really, really, really wanted to try one. I wanted to convince myself that genetically modified foods weren�t bad. It�s progress people. PROGRESS.

I mean, think of possibilities...

�Looks like a carrot, tastes like a hotdog!�

�Looks like a rutabaga, tastes like a cookie!�

�Looks like a penis, tastes like a vagina!�

Then I flipped the carton over. Apparently, they aren�t even real Franken foods. They just marinate the poor apples in grape juice.

Fuckers.

Then, I thought, �Well hell. That probably works with the penis/vagina situation, too.�

And that�s when I realized I�m not a lesbian, and pushed my little shopping cart into the next aisle.

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