02.14.05

11:59 a.m.

unValentine's Day

Yet another Valentineís Day alone.

Iím used to it.

J never celebrated it. Something about giving bologna or something. I so donít miss him. At all.

In other relationships, weíd always break it off before Valentineís Day.

I guess I did most of the breakingÖmost of the pushing away.

I feel that if I let myself love someone, Iíll be powerless. Get hurt. The minute I feel it coming on, I push and push and push until they leave. Until I become so unbearable they donít want me anymore.

I suppose most people are afraid to be hurt. But, most people are willing to risk it.

I guess Iím not there yet.

Someday.

Maybe.

I bought myself flowers today.

No use in waiting for someone else to do it.

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