11.03.04
10:47 p.m.
failure
I hate that I smoke.I hate smelling like it.
I hate the way I feel after walking up a tiny flight of stairs.
I hate the way I need a cigarette every fucking minute of the day to make me feel o.k.
I hate the amount of money I spend to kill myself slowly.
I hate the way it makes my breath smell.
I hate the addiction I can’t control.
I hate the way I feel when I haven’t had nicotine.
I hate when people who make me feel like less of person because I smoke and they don’t.
I hate when people think I can just up and quit, and I should.
I hate the way I think about smoking when I try to quit.
I hate the lack of concentration on anything other than smoking.
I hate the headaches and the backaches and the lightheaded feeling I get if I don’t smoke.
I hate the hacking and the coughing.
I hate the fact that I have asthma and I’m stupid enough to smoke.
I hate the fact that everyone in the fucking world points out how stupid I am for smoking.
I hate feeling persecuted for something I’m ashamed of anyway.
I hate feeling like this.
I hate that I’ve tried to quit and haven’t succeeded.
That is probably the thing I hate the most. Failure.
