10.13.04

11:31 a.m.

love thy neighbor

Iím not sure Iíve mentioned my evil neighbor. Iím one to jump to conclusions quite quickly, and the day he moved in I decided he would become my arch nemesis.

Why, you ask. He told my dogs to shut the fuck up.

Yes, folks, itís as easy as that to get on my shit list. I can tell my dogs to shut the fuck up (and often do). In the same respect, I can call my brother a pretentious ass who deserves a decent pummeling. However, you canít. Itís just the way it is.

So, a short synopsis of our neighborly relationship...

Our previous kickass neighbors decided to move and rent out their current house. There have been a plethora of people who have moved in only to move out a month or two later. Six months ago they moved in.

They are a military couple. Luckily, one of the few who donít have 13 children. They do however have two dogs. One is an American Bulldog, and the other....a lab. Strike one.

Mr. Macho told my dogs to shut the fuck up his first day in the house. Strike two.

Mr. Macho has a crotch rocket. He keeps it in the garage Ė right next to my bedroom window. Sometimes on weekdays, for no apparent reason, he will go to the garage at 3:00am and rev the engine. Strike three.

Mr. Machoís wife apparently works in the medical field, or really likes wearing scrubs, and keeps odd hours. Every morning at 4:00am she insists on listening to techno. Loudly. Strike four.

They host many single GI parties. There are cars lining our street all the time. 87% of the time, one is blocking my driveway and I either (a) canít leave, or (b) canít pull in. So, then I have to go knock on their door, ask them to move the vehicle blocking my drive, and be berated with sighs and mumbling. This has happened at least 12 times in the past six months. Strike five, six, seven, eight...

You get the gist.

So, as I was pulling in my driveway yesterday I noticed something peculiar in their driveway. Once I realized what it was, I frantically looked for my camera. Unfortunately, Iím too lazy to charge the batteries. So, last night I borrowed Jackieís camera in hopes that the item would still be there today.

Jackieís camera sucks, so I had to pull a covert operation and wander into their driveway unnoticed to get a close up.

Bin Laden

I think he strategically placed it to scare me. Little does he know...I'm a better shot.

The saga continues.

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