09.17.04

11:41 p.m.

Wonderful things that happened today:

ē We had an emergency surgery to remove a pyometra (Yet another reason to spay your pet) at 8:00 this morning.

ē I was called a fucking bitch by a client because the doctor couldnít see his dog for annual vaccines due to the surgery.

ē I put the first appointment of the afternoon, a client with a yellow lab, in a room.

ē Yellow lab lunged at me while I asked the owner questions; he mauled my hand. Ironic, because Iíve had recent conversations (with two completely different people) about how evil labs are. People never believe me.

ē Went to the ER, had the wounds flushed, and then went back to work.

Lovely, isnít it? Even after all this, I was still smiling. My current happiness is a mix of things: school, life, people, friends, and family. Odd really, I havenít been this content in awhile. It scares me.

After work I decided to go to the gym to get out some of my frustrations, but changed my mind on the way, and went for a hike instead.

I think too much when Iím alone and on a hike. Sometimes, my thoughts lead to great epiphanies, unfortunately not today. Maybe it was the mix of fresh air and massive blood loss, but I began to doubt my recent happiness. After all, everything ends. Everything eventually ends with pain and loss. If I were to circumvent my current state of joy, I could save myself future pain.

Is it worth it? Do I really want to give something up now, just to try and postpone the inevitable ache that will surely show its face sometime in the future? Maybe I should cling to the happiness I feel now, in hopes that the unavoidable is delayed; if only for a little while.

Being open - being vulnerable - is the hardest thing Iíve done in a long time. It makes me apprehensive.

I donít like it.

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