09.17.04
11:41 p.m.
Wonderful things that happened today:
• We had an emergency surgery to remove a pyometra (Yet another reason to spay your pet) at 8:00 this morning.• I was called a fucking bitch by a client because the doctor couldn’t see his dog for annual vaccines due to the surgery.
• I put the first appointment of the afternoon, a client with a yellow lab, in a room.
• Yellow lab lunged at me while I asked the owner questions; he mauled my hand. Ironic, because I’ve had recent conversations (with two completely different people) about how evil labs are. People never believe me.
• Went to the ER, had the wounds flushed, and then went back to work.
Lovely, isn’t it? Even after all this, I was still smiling. My current happiness is a mix of things: school, life, people, friends, and family. Odd really, I haven’t been this content in awhile. It scares me.
After work I decided to go to the gym to get out some of my frustrations, but changed my mind on the way, and went for a hike instead.
I think too much when I’m alone and on a hike. Sometimes, my thoughts lead to great epiphanies, unfortunately not today. Maybe it was the mix of fresh air and massive blood loss, but I began to doubt my recent happiness. After all, everything ends. Everything eventually ends with pain and loss. If I were to circumvent my current state of joy, I could save myself future pain.
Is it worth it? Do I really want to give something up now, just to try and postpone the inevitable ache that will surely show its face sometime in the future? Maybe I should cling to the happiness I feel now, in hopes that the unavoidable is delayed; if only for a little while.
Being open - being vulnerable - is the hardest thing I’ve done in a long time. It makes me apprehensive.
I don’t like it.
