09.08.04
12:18 a.m.
Eulogy
You were a good dog.But, there comes a time when your spirit is stronger than your frail body. I couldn’t watch you suffer needlessly to pacify my own selfish desire. You gave selflessly to me. You listened intently when I needed to vent. You consoled me silently with your wise mahogany eyes. Your altruistic ways kept me from harm when I was ten and home alone...and every day since. You never wanted anything more than to make me happy. Well, except for the occasional cookie.
As I drove you to the clinic, you looked out the window. Excited just to get to go for a ride. I’m sorry I didn’t bring you more often; I forgot how much you loved car rides. I neglected a lot of things as you grew older...
I carried you in the clinic, crying. Not for you, but for me. I knew in my heart you’d be better off. But what about me? What am I supposed to do without you? How can I get up each morning and not see you? How can I take the other dogs for a walk without you? I’m sure they’ll notice your absence, too.
As the thick pink solution flowed into your vein, your head fell slowly in my lap. I’ve done this hundreds of times before...it’s nothing new. Yet, this was different. This was my decision. This was a culmination of my actions, not someone else’s. Of course, you had to make it hard. You had to fight to stay alive. You kept breathing...forced us to do a cardiac stick. Of course, you were gone by then. It was just the mechanics of your body slowly coming to a stop. You didn’t feel any pain then. That’s what I have to tell myself. That’s what everyone has to tell themselves when this happens, right?
As I placed your limp, lifeless body in the black trash bag, I wept again. But this time, it was for you. For the things you’ll miss. For the suffering I’d put you through. For everything you and I will never experience again.
