07.25.04

10:55 p.m.

I'm so sexy when I'm sick

It’s apparent that my love life isn’t too exciting right now. Couldn’t possibly be due to my lack of social skills, could it?

There I am in aisle three of Safeway looking for some TheraFlu. I was dressed so pretty – Pajama pants, flip-flops, fleece jacket...completely appropriate attire for the mentally insane or someone with the flu/West Nile. Most people avoided me like the plague, which I must admit, I enjoyed. The keyword in that last sentence is most. An obviously very desperate guy wearing a light blue Fubu jumpsuit, red shoes and carrying what I can only describe as a purse, walked up to me smiled and asked if I was sick. Apparently he thought we had the same fashion sense.

Me: “No, actually I enjoy dressing like a whack job and scouring the aisles for flu medication.”

Him: “Ha, ha. I love a girl with a sense of humor.”

Me: “I don’t have a sense of humor; I’m just a bitch when I have a 102 degree fever.”

Him: “Oh, ok.”

This is the part where I continue to search for my TheraFlu and Mr. Fubu follows me down aisle four.

Me: “Are you lost? Do you need me to have the customer service desk page your mommy?”

Him: “Wow, you’re harsh when you’re sick. Are you like this all the time?”

Me: “Most of the time, yes”

Him: “Well, I can handle it. And, I make more money than you can spend...want to come over to my place? I’ll make you feel much better.”

Ok, come on...What did he expect me to say? Sure, I’ll come right over. You’re picking up a sick girl in a grocery store on a Sunday afternoon and flaunting money you probably don’t have, damn that’s hot. Let’s go.

Maybe I’m too selective.

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