07.24.04

10:16 p.m.

File this under Flu induced insanity

I’d like to mention I’m drunk with the flu – disregard the lack of cohesion in this letter. I was a little upset.

Dear Mom and Dad,

You’ve used me as a go between for your divorce. You both fought for custody of me, but it was for the money, not for me. Neither of you really wanted to be “the single parent”. Neither of you really could’ve; you were too involved in your own dramas to raise me, and I understand that now.

Dad, you convinced me to stay with you because you had the house that I had spent my entire life growing up in. You told me Mom left “us”, not just you. You persuaded me to cut off contact with her, and made me see that she was “evil”. You told me what to say at all the lawyer meetings, and I obliged – because I love you. Then, when everything was said and done, you left me to raise myself. I was 16 – what did you think I would do? I failed to live up to your expectations, and you kicked me out – changed the locks.. I spent months living in my car while our house sat empty because you had moved 80 miles away.

Mom, you told me you waited until Dean graduated high school and went off to college before asking for a divorce, because “It would be easier on everyone”. You asked me to live with you because you couldn’t afford to live without Dad’s child support. You left us, and moved into an apartment. You’d call me and tell me things to tell Dad that you didn’t have the nerve to tell him yourself. At the court dates, you wouldn’t even look at me.

You’ve hated each other for a long time, and now? Now you want me to act as a go between again. Except this time, it’s so you can be friends again – maybe restart your relationship. Well, I’m not going to do it. Call me bitter, call me selfish, but I just can’t. I’m sorry. I want you both to be happy, but if you get back together, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. It means we’ve all suffered for nothing.

So, do what you must, but don’t ask me to condone it.

Julie

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